Let's all head down to Tulip Town

Well technically it is up to Tulip town...

Leif was not impressed

With Auntie Kathleen

ohhh maybe he does like the tulips!" 

Uh Oh, maybe a little too much

 

                 

                                          

                                                                                                                       

A couple of cool dudes at the beach

No, it isn't photo shopped. That is blue sky in the background

Working Mama

I have been mulling over writing something now for over a month. A month of new adjustments, reclaiming old roles, and redefining new ones.

I went back to work on March 10th after 8 months of pregnancy and maternity leave.

I was nervous. Nervous about being away from Leif. Would he be sad without me, or more likely would I be too sad without him? Would I miss out on important moments? Do I even have what it takes to do my job anymore? Even though it is only 20 hours a week, those 20 hours seemed like an eternity to be away from my baby boy who I hadn't been away from previously for more than 3-4 hours.

Well, over a month has passed, and we are starting to get settled in with our new reality. Leif, as I suspected (in my non-crazy moments) in thriving with undivided attention from Zan, his Mormor, and Jenny and his friend Lily while we are apart. We meet back up at the end of the day with a new excitement in being together, and so much love it makes my heart burst. My 5 days off seem like a gift, and I find myself treasuring my time off with him, and appreciate the simple things in being together.

My feelings about work, as one can imagine are a little more complicated.  Having a child has changed me. Changed me for the better I think, but has made doing my job more emotionally challenging. Whereas I once could imagine losing a child if I had one, I now feel the pit in my stomach and the tears in my eyes at the thought of what some of my patients are going through. I finally understand the obsessive, all encompassing love one feels for their child.

I have found however, that my job has taught me many lessons and shaped me in more ways in one. It has taught me to be comfortable with the unknown. To keep a level head while being in the middle of an angry patient and a doctor. How to break up the occasional fist fight between a pregnant mama and her baby daddy. To remain calm as you resuscitate a baby that has stopped breathing, and run as fast as you can pushing a bed down the hallway when you know you are minutes from losing a mom or baby who needs to be delivered in the operating room. How to convey trust while whispering comforting words to a terrified woman, when all she can see are your eyes behind a surgical mask. How to come to terms with injustice in the world as you hold and rock a baby who is taking their last breathe while the mother is unable to accept the reality of what is happening. To bear witness to the power of what a mother is willing to go through for her child, and what a father is willing to go through to protect his family. Most importantly my job has taught me about life and death. The beautiful, challenging, life-altering entry, and the sometimes tragic heart-breaking exit.

However challenging, I feel lucky to be given the chance to do my job once again. It fulfills a part of me that I forgot was missing and helps me see the big picture of what is important in life. Life, however long, is too short to sweat the small stuff. So tonight I ignore the socks on the floor until tomorrow, tell Zan that I love him, and hold Leif that much longer after he has fallen asleep.

Leif visiting me at work to check out the fish and have a snack

All you party people put your hands up!

Is it just me or does his crawl look like he is doing "the worm"? 

Watch out world! B-boy Leif coming to a dance floor near you!

Beach buddies

Leif and his friend Blake enjoyed the beach. Two señor chubby cheeks. What could be cuter?

Blake: "Wait, I'm sitting next to a polar bear! Leif you are hilarious!"

uh oh here comes trouble